i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
