did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
