the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
