I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
