So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
