Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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