I didn't shave. On purpose
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
