you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
