I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
