feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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