New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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