we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
