I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Randomize
