Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
