im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My life is pants optional.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
