I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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