chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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