He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
