I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
