i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
