I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Your penis caused this!
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