I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
