I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
