i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
