yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
