Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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