They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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