..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
