Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
