So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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