am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize