He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
