Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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