Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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