Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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