the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
