LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
