I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
