so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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