I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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