peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize