john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
