laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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