Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize