but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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