I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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