Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize