why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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