i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
