He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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