Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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