Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You pole danced in your parka.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
