he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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