I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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