You really coming over, don't trick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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