if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
