Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
