I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
