so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
