the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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