last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
