Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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