i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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