Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
