i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
