Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
