Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
