Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
